Cork Decor

Ignore the photo for a minute OK?

I have a zillion houseplants because back in the day I was too poor for furniture and so used plants to fill up the spaces.  I couldn’t afford any wall decor either and used plants to decorate them.

Here’s how it’s done for the wall decor:

  • Take a wine bottle and drink everything inside it.
  • Scour the Internet for a bottle-cutting kit which when it arrives turns out to be this incredibly primitive tool.
  • Use it to cut your wine bottle in half, sanding the jagged edges so you don’t open an artery while working with it.
  • When cut edge is smooth, take and upend it, forcing the cork back in.
  • Fill with potting soil and a small hanging plant.
  • Drawing on your memory of childhood games of Cat’s Cradle, fashion a free-form sling out of twine, slip bottle inside and suspend whole thing from a bracket on the wall.

You can even water it right in place because of that nicely corked bottom, so there’s no peeing of excess water down onto the sofa. It’s like those ads for VESIcare where the funny pipe people walk around with gauges and sphincters inside them in their mid-sections. (Now you can look at the picture.) Same thing, see? No fear of wetting! Same total confidence for your furnishings!

Here’s how the gizmo looks in this picture from the Internet. The plant is too scrawny and a white-wine bottle with its tapering neck would have been much more graceful than this red-wine one but you get the idea.

To show what I really mean I just ran upstairs to the Museum of 70s where all my old clothes and ten thousand photograph albums sleep and enchanted sleep and came up with this picture of a wall of my living room circa 1978.:

Cool plants flanking college roommate’s original drawing, also way cool

Get the idea? That’s philodendron, the growingest plant there is. And dirt is free, right? And hey you were going to be drinking wine anyway, right! World’s easiest wall-decorating idea, and almost as good as Elvis on black velvet.