Amen Amen I say unto you, buyer beware. You handmaidens out there especially!
Verily I say unto you, seek not the bras that promise to flatten for a more youthful look, for they will not hold your headset, your hair elastic, your quarter for the parking meter anywhere near as well as the regularly shaped pointy bras that Nature has suggested you wear.
Your humble servant – this handmaiden herself – has been carrying her credit card in her bra for full many a year .
Then yesterday while wearing her new silhouette-reducing bra, her bright green Am Ex worked itself free in the parking lot just outside Market Basket and was gone a full 24 hours before your humble servant missed it, panicked, contacted American Express and finally called the store itself to see if someone had perhaps turned it in.
Someone indeed had and all is right with the world again but tell you what, tell you what:
THIS handmaiden is back now for good in her trusty old Bali with the bow in front and the twin embroidery hoops under each cup.
Guard the goods! Live and learn!
- Talk about under armor!
- what the big girls wore when I was still in undershirts
So what’s the DEAL with these Ahh Bras and Genie Bras? Do you mean to tell me I’ve been spending over $100 for custom-fit bras when I could just stroll into a CVS or a Walgreens and throw a Genie Bra into my cart along with my batteries and my fish oil capsules?
I’d like a comfortable bra, sure… I’d be cheering, like Brandi here.
At least my bras don’t dig into my shoulders anymore thanks to enough steel in the old underwire area to set off the metal detectors at the airport. (I am serious. This happens.)
And I’ve been taught by the pros that you’re just kiddin’ yourself sizewise if the center element of the thing doesn’t cleave to your breastbone. (If it gaps, it’s too small. Deal with it. The first speciality bra those fancy-pants brafessionals sold to me was a 32F, 32F!, and sold me a bra accordingly. I’m still not over it.)
But nowadays my torso is slightly rotated. so there’s some weirdness with the bra there, enough tightness in the band more on the right side than on the left such that I am MORE THAN HAPPY by about 6 at night to pull those straps out through the armholes of my shirt the way we did at summer camp and leave the thing in a tangle on the floor.
So maybe I should actually look into the Genie Bra or Ahh Bra.
Anyway I’ve been looking at some YouTube action about them both. All I can say is I hope they paid these women well to walk let themselves be filmed struggling into their undergarments. Me I think I’ll just go on setting off metal detectors, at least for a little while longer.