Remember the Ladies Indeed!


I found this cartoon in a satirical book about old-time etiquette. I’ll hunt down my copy and put the link up here as soon as I can put my hand on it again.

In case you can’t quite read the text here, it says “No lady should stand or linger in the halls of a hotel, but pass through them quietly, never stopping alone for a moment.”

What it’s suggesting is that a woman who does choose to sit or stand as she waits in the hotel lobby is soliciting; is, in other words, ready and eager to offer herself to any man with the cash.

Do you get that that’s what the advice is suggesting, you young women lucky enough to inhabit a far different world? Or, wait, is our modern world so different really? “Remember the ladies” Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John when he had left their working farm in Braintree to help build the new American government at the Continental Congress. Maybe America’s problem all this time has been that we remembered the ladies too much. Remembered them as ‘the fairer sex’, ‘the sacred vessels’, the delicate creatures with finer sensibilities that suited them. Some might say that even now in many corners of the American landscape women are still seen as inhabiting a category. Rather than being regarded as a freestanding human being with her own plans and goals, a woman can still be seen as a prop, a cardboard cut-out, a life-size breathing “bracelet” on the arm of some… man.

The summer I was 20 in my work at the Massachusetts State House, I was introduced to man in his 60s who promptly asked me to lunch to talk about a two-week work opportunity.  Baby lamb that I was, I went to the lunch, at Anthony’s Pier 4, a landmark eatery looking out on Boston harbor. He was a heavyset Tweedle-Dum kind of a guy with a cigar and a waddle, somebody’s kindly grandfather as I saw him, a good man eager to empower the young. The day of the lunch I wore flats and a sleeveless boat-necked, knee-length linen dress in an effort to look like Jacqueline Kennedy though in truth, as old photos now show g me, I looked more like a highly unworldly version of  Anna Nicole Smith, only without the makeup.  Because I didn’t really know what makeup was. My body looked like her body is what I’m saying, though it never occurred to me that that’s why, when we walked into the restaurant a number of equally old Tweedle-Dees, also with cigars, hooted their hellos to my host.

He walked me over and introduced me to them all before we sat down to the lunch, during which he offered me this wonderful opportunity: to be his companion at a two-week-long conference at the Cape. He told me what my salary would be. So much money! I could get a real jump on repaying those student loans I was racking up!

That night I told the boy I had just become engaged about my great opportunity. “Are you out of your mind?” he said on hearing and I believe this was the first time he asked me this question, though five decades into our life together I can tell you it was far from the last.

The point is, he saw what this old guy with the cigar was really proposing. The guy was assuming he could get me at the very least to stand by his side and act as if we were together. Me, the former Terry Sheehy who was mere months past believing that kissing for more than five minutes was a mortal sin that would land you in Hell.

I have smartened up since those days of course. I have learned all about the guys who even when you’re over 50 will follow you out of the Post Office or the coffee shop or the supermarket because they say they could tell by your smile that you’re really into them and why didn’t we go someplace where we could talk.

Really into them, jeesh. Where do these guys get the nails to say a thing like that?

What I am really into is hotel lobbies. In fact, I love them. In a hotel lobby you’re out in the stream of humanity and yet you are safe. Your little bed is an elevator ride away and the man behind the desk might as well be Hector Elizondo for how nice he is to you.

So rush through a lobby or fail to smile because of the construction some guy might put on those things? Fat chance I say, fat the hell chance. 🙂



Could be the Keys

img_2374Last night I dreamed I parked at our local transfer station, turned off the car and climbed out, tossing the keys back in through the open window and onto the passenger seat. That was safe to do, I figured; I was only there to throw a few bags of trash onto the conveyor belt, that great River of No Longer My Problem.

But as I was doing this, I happened to see out of the corner of my eye that an old white guy had slid in under the steering wheel, picked up my key ring and was fumbling with it in search of the key he would need to turn the car on. I remember thinking “So here’s the value of carrying so many keys around! It foils thieves!”

He got away with my car anyway, as well as my money and all my credit cards, but that isn’t the part of the dream that sticks with me.

Really the dream got me thinking about all the keys we carry these days.

Used to be, people carried their keys around in a small hard-shelled key case. All three or at the most four of your keys could be tucked away in there until you flipped one out when you were ready to use it. But now most of the people I know don’t use key cases. Instead, they have what I have: a series of strong rings from which dangle five or six or eight keys, some from rings that in turn dangle from the big ring.

So who do we think we are, Mrs. Hughes from Downton Abbey, managing a household brimming with larders and linen closets for a late-sleeping landed family and a large live-in staff? Do we think we’re St. Peter and these are the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven and its Many Mansions? Why do I have literally 13 keys that I carry around in my fist? They weigh a pound if they weigh an ounce. I mean, I could use them as brass knuckles.

I recently read that some 80% of Americans complain about back pain. Under our 20 pounds of skin and the circuitry of our nerves and blood vessels, under the mighty muscles and the tendons and the strong, strong ligaments we have a skeleton,  this delicate scaffolding that we must  keep balanced like a tower of teacups as we move.


Isn’t it just possible that it’s these 16-odd ounces of  keys that throws us  out of kilter and gives us pain? If we keep them in a pocket they pull down that side of our pelvis. If we carry them in our purse, they yank down that side of our shoulder girdle.

THINK ABOUT IT! And then pray for the day we can start our cars AND open our houses with retinal scans that let us walk around free. And who knows? Maybe by then all our official docouments and our credit card info will be neatly imbedded in our skulls. 🙂




Farewell to Summer


The Summer came and the summer passed and now it’s mid-September and the dauntless ivy has once again taken over the screens on the front of our house . So is too late to look back at this season of long days and steamy nights?

I hope not.

In July, our  niece and godchild Grace celebrated a big birthday here, with all her siblings who came from all over; and also my own sister Nan from Florida who is her mum, and her husband Troy and Troy’s parents and so many great others. It was a happy day, with food and drink and maybe just ONE small pack of smokes.


There were games…



There were drinks, and strolls, and smiles.


Lots of smiles..





And this  was just one sweet weekend in July.

August came and Nan had elective surgery the complications fro which kept her in the ICU for 8 days and THAT was sure scary, for what would any of us in this family do without Na, the mother of Grace, this first friend to me her little sister?

Thank God she is mending now. In fact, apart from learning to walk with a titanium knee joint implanted in her living flesh, she is sharper than ever, more ‘Nan-like’ than ever, as I saw when I flew to Tarpon Springs to help with the transition from the hospital to home.

And so the season wound down. We had a whole week with three of our four grandchildren and a little guest and that was great, though some old guy tried to hustle them at pool.(Haha, no. That’s my husband David, their grandpa.)


During that week we climbed ev’ry mountain, we forded every stream..img_2238

Also in August had a Marotta Family Weekend with all of David’s brothers and their kids and played  baseball..


A sort of an unrecognizable kind of baseball.


One day we all got back-to-school haircuts.


 Always we dressed for the sun, I in a get-up that USED to button, back in my skinny-day 40s..


And finally we had one last weekend together, on Labor Day when we we sat around some more…


The children joyfully in the momentimg_2285

and we older one often in more pensive moods.


Because we knew it was coming: The Autumn.

And now here we are on the lip of it and I’m remembering all over again that the descent into winter is in fact every bit as lovely as that long slow climb into summer.

Because, I mean, what’s nicer than a view through a latticework of ivy buzzing with the happy bees?


Posted in Uncategorized


I wake these mornings without the daily dread of a deadline. Like the dog that sleeps in the bed with you, I sigh and turn onto one side for ten minutes to look out the window. Then I sigh again and turn to my other side. I think about Time. Then I shift to my back, take up my phone and read about the daily horrors as recounted on the various news sites. After that, I really sigh, and as antidote, read my book for ten minutes, which right now is The Boys in the Boat.

I read this book both because a young person to whom I am deeply committed recommended it and because as a lover of old things – see awesome photo – I delight in being transported back to a long-ago time like the 1930s, when the action in that true story occurs.

old house

You wonder who once sat on these porches of a summer night, with the dews descending and the fireflies winking.

Speaking of summer nights, this summer just ending has been a strange one for me, because for the first time since the years when gals wore poufy hair like this…


…I have not been filing a weekly column. And as it stands I’m not going to be filing any, until October at the soonest.

I both chose this non-writing path and had it chosen for me in that the parent company that owns most of the papers I appear in announced in July it had no budget for freelancers at least until then. I know I could have done a Gandhi and kept writing for free but to do so would break solidarity with my brothers and sisters in the scribbling game. For about six hours after hearing the news though, I did feel I should go on sending a fresh column to the other papers that subscribe to me column and are not part of this giant chain. But then, sitting outside the dry cleaners at around 4 that afternoon, it dawned on me that this could be the universe sending me a message.

I asked the editors of these independent papers if they‘d mind my taking a break and they couldn’t have been nicer. “Take it!“ they said. “Take it by all means and we’ll be glad to have you back in October.”

And so I decided, I would take the time, and wouldn’t I have scads of it!

I didn’t have scads of it, of course. For one thing, our span of time is brief and swiftly passing no matter what we are doing. And for another, there were some family events, some joyful in the extreme and some that same degree of terrifying and to them I turned all my attention.

But over these weeks I did learn this, I did learn this: I learned that I feel at my happiest when I write, and that I feel most lost and somehow lonely when I don’t.

So, I’m back, ready to catch more small moments of Time in my little net and tell of them here.

Of course we writers never know who is reading what we write, if indeed anyone reads any more, but that’s fine. It’s the writing that counts, the saying what we saw. I have always felt my purpose in life was to do just that. Just as it says in that early-days Elton John song with its lyrics by the great Bernie Taupin, “My gift is my song and this one’s for you.”