See It Through THEIR Eyes

new here and lost

For a long time in our family, this was the season when a new person would come to live with us. Every fall for six years running, we would nervously drive to the airport to meet the new young woman from Austria who would join our family and begin to taste the jazzy sauce of American life. How lost and uncertain must they have felt on arriving here on Foreign shores to live for a full year with virtual strangers?

But being a self-centered soul I always saw it from MY point of view: what if the young woman didn’t have enough English to get along comfortably here? What if she only THOUGHT she knew how to drive a car? What if God forbid, she was a disliker of children, a secret pincher, say?

All these old fears came to mind again during the fall when our youngest was a high school junior and we found ourselves again driving to the airport, this time to bring home an exchange student from Madrid.

His name was José and all we knew of him was that he had a ponytail. Within minutes of identifying him, we were walking that long mile to the car, during which my whole family seemed struck suddenly dumb. Desperate to keep thing going, I talked my head off, with great animation and very s-l-o-w-l-y.

“On drugs,” the kid must have thought. But things got easier once we were driving. A Bruce Springsteen tune came on the radio and he said “Ah, de Boss!” – and when “Stairway to Heaven” started, we knew we had not one, but two Led Zeppelin fans on our hands. The rest of the language barriers we got past with pantomime.

At supper that first night, I thought I might go for the historical angle. “So what was the deal with FRANCO?!” I yelled, pronouncing the name of that old Spanish dictator with what I hoped was a meaningful anti-fascist frown.

“Franco!” cried José, and executed a Nazi salute.

But lucky for us all, we were all soon talking more naturally.

My man David is often busy nights with meetings and dinners out, and in the fall of his killer Junior year our poor burdened youngest who was the unofficial ‘host’ of José was constantly plugging away at homework every night.

That left me.

And since by nightfall I have always been way too sleepy for any ‘thinking ‘ work, I spend evenings catching up on mindless tasks. And so José, who was neither busy nor sleepy, would keep me company, lounging on a nearby chair.

I learned the words for existentialism , which is existencialismo, the adjective for manic depressive, which is maniaco depresivo and the term for paranoid schizophrenic, which is esquizofrenico paranoide. (We were drawn to the darker themes, José and I.)

 He told me he thought all humans were basically out for themselves – egoista. I told him I felt sure he would soon encounter at least one person whose unselfishness had helped change lives. 

Prompted by his stay with us, I began thinking back over time to those Austrian girls and remembered that some of them really couldn’t speak much English – and then was that one who is spite of her very earnest nature kept locking the car with the engine still running. 

We loved them anyway; of course we did.

And now here was José who didn’t need to drive, and whose English, if slower than ours, was pretty damn good. Once he left, we missed him like crazy.

So in the end, there was nothing to dread and everything to look forward to on any one of those runs to the airport.

I’ll have to remember how often this is the case – and how we should all recall that if we think it’s hard to welcome strangers, how much harder is it to BE them? 

Now I don’t have a picture of José but here now are two of our former au pairs, Alex and Gabi, once strangers, now our forever friends. 🙂

alex Gabi close

 And HERE is Sonja, the one who stayed stateside, went to school, married  and raised her own family, seen at my landmark birthday party a few years ago – WITH the child who was once the baby these young ladies came to help care for.

Sonja with former baby Michael

Time does fly does it not? I never thought he’d even shave!

mpm at five

7 thoughts on “See It Through THEIR Eyes

  1. So nice that you had all those marvelous kids with you. I had wished to be a sister to an exchange student but was not accepted as a host family. I still am in contact with our student from Austria, Elfi ,
    and think she had a wonderful sister in the family she was placed.

    1. we Austrian girls were the lucky once to be part of the Marotta family. That year was the best and scariest experience in my life. Haha
      If it wouldn’t have been for you guys I would’ve never met my husband, and had my beautiful children. All my love to Dave, Carrie, Annie and little Michael

  2. And what is the news from the youngest, Terry? Where is he? No longer in NYC pursuing art as a career, I think you said a while back. Not working for a big box in a poor southern state that starts with a vowel? He with the beautifully structured chiseled face just might write a great Americn novel about his experiences.

    1. wow what a great comment! he does work for a company that services that very store but is thinking of applying to B school too. He lives 5 miles away which make us all so happy… Don’t think he would ever write but BOY CAN HE TALK! 🙂 Thanks for this which made me smile

      1. Back in his home state. great. I didn’t like thinking about him alone and far away from his growing family. He has avuncular responsibilities!

  3. I have just shed a tear reminding conversations we shared those nights at your lovely home, Terry. I did find many people unselfish enough to change my dark teenager view of life. Let me say that you turned out to be the first of many.
    I still recall the week i happily spent among your family.

    Best wishes for Mike David and your daughters. Hope you are all enjoying life to the fullest.

    With tonnes of love,
    Your spaniard kid,


    PS. I guess a nazi salute (i do not know what the … I was thinking) was not the best way to declare myself as an anti-fascist. 😀 I was and still am a left wing voter, that does not understand how an almost fascist (refuses to condemn Franco’s regime) and corrupt party continues to gain over 8 million votes in Spain

    1. Jose I can’t believe you saw this post four long years after I wrote it and and – what?- 17 years after you were here?! THANK you for these lovely remarks and do you know that I have looked for you, wondering where you are and how you are doing. I told Michael I had heard from you and he was equally stunned and delighted. The world sure is smaller than it used to be!

      As a fellow ‘lefty’ I sympathize with your feelings about your government . You can’t imagine how embarrassed we are to have our current U.S. President acting as though he speaks for all of us!

      So touched, again, to read your words. We never forgot YOU, that’s for sure.

      with the warmest of wishes

      All us Marottas

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