Dear Abby celebrates April Fool’s Day today by publishing a few exchanges she thinks are pretty funny.
One begins with a query from a woman who, while doing the wash, found lipstick on her husband’s undies. He says it’s red paint from his workplace men’s room, currently being done over, but she’s pretty sure it’s lipstick and wonders how to get the stain out. Abby’s clever (?) retort: Worry less about getting the lipstick out of the shorts than about keeping the shorts away from the lipstick. Ha hah!
Another ‘ask’ is by someone wondering if it would be OK to charge guests a little money for the use of a rented port-a-potty which he and his girl would have delivered to their fourth floor walk-up to help handle the ‘overflow’ from their one bathroom on the night of their big party. Abby’s answer in this case: Do this and you’ll have so few guests in the future you’ll never have to worry again about runs on the bathroom. Again, ha ha!
A final back-and-forth starts with a letter from a married man who says he’s dating a married woman. He goes on about the light in her eyes, the way he loves to watch her interact with all kinds of strangers when they’re out together and on and on, and closes with the surprise ending that – whoops, guess what? – THEY’RE MARRIED TO EACH OTHER, a revelation to which Abby responds by saying “Normally I’d advise you to try to turn your wife into the love of your life, but you’re ahead of me!” Ha ha some more!
I’m afraid old Abby is kind of phoning it in with this column. It looks to me like she just cobbled together a few semi-funny stories from the files and called the whole thing an April Fools column. ‘Course I’d like to judge her for this but then aren’t I doing the same thing by quoting her?
You bet, I am, it’s April Fools! Old Dave is in Minnesota till late this evening but I’ll be ready when he gets home. I got the dribble glass right here, and I just finished short-sheeting the bed.
This is how short-sheeting works if you never went to summer camp. I’ve shaved off my goatee since making this video. 😉