Right in the Face

Setting the microwave for the wrong time wasn’t the only dumb thing I did yesterday (and, truth in advertising, I did that particular thing to the oatmeal some months ago, and took a picture of it because I was feeling light-hearted that day.) Yesterday’s microwave mistake was burning the popcorn. That cute little bag looked more like a sackful of peppercorns by the time I got it out of its furnace. Even the neighborhood squirrels wouldn’t eat it and you know how greedy squirrels are.

I didn’t snap a picture of that disaster because I was feeling less than light-hearted yesterday, having recently sprayed myself with the equivalent of pepper spray. At close range. Smack in the eyes. (And no that isn’t really a picture of me here but I just really liked it. The caption, in my book: “And I may have to give up smoking too!”)

The stuff I shot myself with was a household product. I had dropped it, see, and knocked the little spray gizmo off. When I stuck it back on and it looked a little crooked, I brought it close to my face for a better look and then phssshhht! Right in the face.

I screamed. My eyes swelled instantly shut and stung like fire. I had to bathe and bathe and bathe them in water, while repeatedly reaching for fresh facecloths since the chemicals in the stuff immediately saturated the material; it was that strong. Also fiendishly oily, which I realized when I saw that I’d gotten it in my hair too. And it stank so and felt so entirely toxic I had to shampoo my whole head, right there at the sink. I couldn’t see well enough to find the shower and you know what a pain it is to get dressed just in the morning; I certainly didn’t want to do THAT twice in a day.

So I washed my hair and blew it dry, with both eyes swollen shut, still screaming and crying

It went on like that for hours and that’s why I couldn’t write yesterday: I couldn’t see. Plus the screaming really wore me out.

Early to bed anyway, once again done in by life. I slept a solid ten hours that night and last night too, so just you wait, world. Today I aim to be at the top of my game again. 🙂

aaaargh my eyes!

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