Smoke ’em If You Got ’em

I shouldn’t be so hard on Newsweek. If it weren’t for Newsweek and TIME I would not only be unaware of who Snookie was I also wouldn’t know that the entire population of the US – 300 million people – is the same as the number of smokers in China. Think of it! That one fact alone! And here we are bitching about the smokers outside Applebee’s wanly dragging on their cigarettes.

In fact I remember the night two summers ago when I was killing time outside a Chili’s with two little people no taller than the doorknobs. We were racing up and down the straight grey carpet of sidewalk alongside the place when the larger of the doorknob children stopped in his tracks and stared, open-mouthed: There on the lone bench outside the front door sat two old women squinting through smoke and puffing like steam engines.

“What’s HE looking at?” demanded one of them.       

“I think he’s just maybe noticing your beautiful blue eyes!” I said – her eyes were really blue – but she just snorted. She knew why he was staring really. She gets that all the time I bet.

Well, we all have our weak moments when we make a bad decision and Newsweek’s troubling Diana’s quiet grave is just one example. My sister getting caught dragging on a butt in the biggest armchair in our living room at age nine is another. We all do it. But hey it’s the weekend; it’s no time to be focusing on the negative. Let’s end instead with this funny video from ONN the Onion’s spoofy news station, poking its own dry kind of fun at another ‘news magazine lite’, Henry Luce’s former baby TIME.


3 thoughts on “Smoke ’em If You Got ’em

  1. So what were the young’uns so startled by…the fact that 2 old women were smoking or that they actually lived long enough to be old women?

    Down here, in NY, old women smoking is not an uncommon sight. What is uncommon is to see them not smoking while they’re dealing 3 card monte on 34th street.

    “Bitchin”? Is that anyway for a prim & proper New England school marm to write? What evil influence has entered your life? If you’re not careful and continue down this wayward path, folks up there might mistake you for some sort of possessed entity…or worse…a New Yorker. Get thee to a nunnery…or at least a better grade of restaurant…
    See…too much coffee today….

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