No Flies on Us Chicks!

Once again someone has sent me that dire email about how we women tend to sit in our cars writing checks and playing with our cell phones WHICH WE SHOULD NEVER DO. What we should so instead is get in our cars, lock them, start the engine and drive away as fast as we can. And if some guy starts doing something fishy like walking past our car we should use our pointy elbows to inflict take his eye out.

Also : if ever we should approach our car and find that there is already a man in it lying on the floor of the back seat WE SHOULD NOT GET IN if even if we think his bottom looks cute from that angle.

Additionally in perilous situations we should:

  • Throw our wallets far away from us and run as fast as we can in the other direction.
  • React to any gun-to-your head move by men who have already broken into our car by gunning the engine and crashing anything at all – That’ll teach him!
  • Recall that most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars so we should ALWAYS LOOK AT THE CARS PARKED ON THE DRIVER’S SIDE OF YOUR VEHICLE AND THE PASSENGER SIDE… If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out since “it is always better to be safe than sorry. (and better paranoid than dead.)”
  • Take the elevator instead of the stairs. And finally …
  • If the predator has a gun we should just pound sand “since the predator will only hit us, a running target, four times in a hundred and even then it most likely will not be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zigzag pattern.”

I’m not making light here; far from it. I’m just appreciating the heck out of the man who wrote these suggestions and yes it was a man; appreciating him for knowing that any woman is more than capable of kicking out a tail-light, winging a purse, crashing her own car, taking high-speed evasive action and more once she releases her own inner powers. In fact pity the poor man when she does!

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6 thoughts on “No Flies on Us Chicks!

  1. I’ve been trying to get a woman to abduct and take me hostage for years. In fact I even took out an ad in….

    Oh wait…you’re not talking about that kind of thing are you?

    Sorry…

    Actually I also heard that if someone is trying to get you to take money out of your ATM, in a robbery situation, you can enter your password in backwards, i.e. PLEH instead of HELP and it will give you the money but also alert the police to your location and situation.

    Not sure it actually works but that’s what someone told me they read as well.

    Funny stuff at the head!

    1. It’s actually horrible to think about . PLEH is a great idea – unless the abductor is onto it in which case….
      Do all men have tying up hopes? remember the movie Bull Durham where Tinm Robbins gets tied up and read poetry to ? 🙂

      1. Just the ones trying much too hard to be funny…

        And of course to be clear, it’s inputting any password backwards, whatever yours happens to be, not just help

      2. ohhh! you put in your own password backwards and the police come? THAT’S pretty amazing! have to be able to think pretty clearly under pressure for that though right ?

    1. it IS absolutely true that women sit and sit in their cars after entering them isn’t it Mike? I watch them do it. And I do know someone who was abducted and driven all around by her knife-wielding captor. she was lucky though. after trying to strangle her he got out and ran away. she has never been the same .

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