US Scare

Just flew back across country on US Scare and would not have been surprised to see people holding chickens in their laps, it felt that primitive. By which I mean:

No movie. Maybe we all got spoiled with the movies but a six-hour trip with not even the distraction of a safety video?

No food. Well, no complimentary food. They have big signs saying “You’d better buy it now!” outside the gates but my guys didn’t realize. (I myself always travel with my own food which embarrasses them no end. It’s not the entrees, it’s the cutlery I think.)

An odd sort of flight attendant, like the one who came pushing along the food cart just after takeoff. He barreled down the aisle saying “Food? Food?”, not individually but in a kind of Greek chorus voice meant for all. “What have you got?” asked the woman beside me. “Well it’s all right here!” huffed the guy as if we had X-ray vision and could see through the cart’s steel sides. And…

The bathroom got into trouble and nobody fixed it. Enough said there.

The whole experience reminded me of the time we took the train from Boston to Tampa one frigid winter and the cold followed us the whole way like a yelping bloodhound. There was that same kind of mute suffering then. The cars were freezing and somebody threw up in the bathroom which of course caused other people to throw up when they came upon the mess. Then the sinks stopped working. “The sinks don’t work! I think the pipes all froze!” I said, near tears, to the conductor. This was when we were just north of into DC.  “Oh ya,” he said. “But they’ll thaw once we hit Georgia.”

I was a wreck during that trip and I was wreck during this one. Plus I just found out from my friend Scott that he flew across the country this past weekend too but he flew Jet Blue, so doubtless paid less AND he got a movie. Just sayin’. I won’t ever try going from A to B with these guys again; I’ll take a rickshaw first.