All That’s Missing

I think maybe this rental house is where Boogie Nights was filmed – not the sex parts or Roller Girl’s scenes or the one in the men’s room when Mark Wahlberg looks down inside his underpants but the part where this drug lord in his bathrobe is brandishing an automatic weapon and there’s loud discordant music that just won’t STOP.

Yup, this stucco palace high in the desert hills feels like that scene.

The living room is the size of a hotel lobby, which is nice but the basement wall is kicked in and the fridge’s ice and water delivery system is broken with the wires all hanging down.

The dead moths are still dropping on our food from the busted ceiling panel and also: the fuse box in the basement is yanked apart and the pool’s heater is broken so the pool is so cold it makes your legs go eggplant-purple the minute you try to step into it. There are no clocks, and no blankets and not a single table lamp either so no reading in bed but only lying there waiting for the thugs to pull up outside.

The ceramic “decorations” have all been broken, then badly repaired with fat blobs of glue coming out the cracks (see?)


Plus there’s an electric piano that keeps playing “Winter Wonderland” and a bullet hole in the front hall mirror and finally a secret room in the basement that the kids are calling “Gimps’ room” but that’s another movie, that’s “Pulp Fiction.” And now all I can say is Where is Samuel L Jackson when you need him?


happy vacation. Incoming! (bullet hole, living room mirror)

7 thoughts on “All That’s Missing

  1. I’m praying that you and the family will be safe and happy while you are in Al Pacino’s mansion. I am wondering why sound so happy about it, it does not sound like a nice location but I guess you are trying to make the best of bad situation. I love you all T.

  2. Is the secret basement hideout a panic room? Because you never know when Jodie Foster or somebody will need to go hide in a panic room. You could maybe take some of the bedside tables that don’t have lamps and use them to blockade the door.

    The babydolls should be set up in various tableaux around the house to inspire conversation. Or to distract the thugs when they arrive.

  3. Looks like the cherub’s oozing Gorilla Glue. “Now! Stronger, faster, for the toughest jobs on planet earth!” Terry,your absentee landlord must have skipped “Step 2: Spread a thin layer of glue and Step 3: DO NOT OVER APPLY. It will expand three to four times.” (The label says it bonds thirty different items; angels not listed probably ’cause she’s not from planet earth.)

  4. Thanks for the reasurance T. thought I had to come revive the old west with shoot out at high noon or is it sun down? Lol… your readers have some funny views on this topic I especially love the one about the panic room, Jodie Foster, what you should do with the bedside tables that don’t have lamps and the dolls. Have fun, love you all!

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