Cryin’ Time Again: The Yearly Mammo

♫♫ Oh it’s Cryin’ Time Again, You’re Gonna Squeeze Me ♫♫

Hello children and welcome To Two Good Tidbits Of Info Picked Up Yesterday At My Own Yearly Squeeze-Fest.

Tidbit One: Nobody Faints After 11 In The Morning. This according to the radiology person administering the exam . “I have to warn you, I’m a fainter,” I had just told the woman as she screwed the two icy plates of that Inquisition-style vise tighter together –  but really I said this only AFTER she asked like six times if I was OK was I OK was I OK – which of course began to make me feel that I wasn’t. “Breakfast is the key,” she pronounced. “People only faint if they haven’t had breakfast.”  ( Hmmmm I thought but is that true? Because I faint in extremes of pain as when the quacky old doc in my hometown tried to burn two tiny warts off my arm with something that looked like the hot red coil of his car’s cigarette lighter, leaving me with side-by-side twin scars the size of Cheerios. I also fainted in church religiously ha ha and was heard gurgling under the kneeler Sunday after Sunday and once in the necktie department of the Harvard Coop and they dragged me by the armpits back behind the counter so commerce could continue.)

Earlier, as we stood there before the session started, she fully clothed, I as naked from the waist up as the Venus De Milo, she asked if I did regular self exams, causing me to blurt out my own sad truth, that actually? truthfully? I almost never do which brought us to….

Tidbit Two: Nobody Does the Self Exams. “Nobody does ‘em” she said matter-of-factly and just left it at that. There was no tongue-lashing, no lecture not even a sigh of disappointment at how dumb humans are, choosing all kinds of bad possibilities just because they‘re too dopey to slide their hands around on their bare skin now and then. If I wanted to get sick it was fine with her; she was dead on her feet she said, goin’ since 7:30 this morning and now it was after 5.

“I guess it’s been a long day for you,”  I said and she said “yep” and that’s all she said so darn it all and isn’t that just my luck: looks like once again I’m stuck having to save my OWN life!

oh and Five bucks if you know at a glance why this guy should be mammography’s mascot 😉

7 thoughts on “Cryin’ Time Again: The Yearly Mammo

  1. This is strangley eerie to me. I knew about your penchant for fainting, but never knew you did it in church like I sometimes did. For me it ended up being a seizure disorder later in life. Now I face an operation. I told them the very same thing today…I’m a fainter, but went further and said it may cause a seizure. The surgeon was matter of fact, but the nurse Carla was an Angel from heaven and after the surgeon left told me she would never let anything happent to me. Don’t know the date for the knife yet, but I know Carla is out there.

  2. I recently had my squeeze fest too. They have new machines now that project the images right to the computer and they dont hurt anywhere near as much as they used to. Yea! By the way I used to faint in church all the time , when I was a child , mostly in the summer but sometimes at other times also.

  3. I have had my own squeeze fest four times too many and decided 4 years ago I would rather do the self exam than go to another squeeze fest (I don’t recommended this) I am just standing on my faith mustard seed and all, anyway recently I found a mobile lump and was told to go to a squeeze fest, I have yet to go since I don’t have insurance I am depending on God and my mustard seed faith to get me through while I save for the big squeeze fest I must be a dork lol…

  4. Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance between you and the Venus De Milo. Thank goodness you have arms to type these wonderful stories.

  5. just right, tes, the squeeze fest!
    our shared doc requires them annually, doesn;t she, and my next appointment is alarmingly soon…
    you know I fainted with you many times in our tender youth but it mostly had to do with empty tummies in church, I think. I laughed aloud about dragging you behind the counter so as not to impede commerce…
    at least you can check off the MAMMO for another year..

  6. Okay, I am the mean one that squeezes those babies. When I am able to get those perfect pictures.I find my job satisfying. You may think I am cruel and a torturer. But, I can tell you , I am one of the best. I pull, tug and squeeze. I have found small calcifications that no one knew were there. I pulled so hard that you winced, but I was able to xray ALL of your breast tissue. Yes,I am mean. But people always asked for me. I was always booked for days in advance. Notice I said was. I was so into my job that during a procedure,where I was positioning a patient. I dislocated my shoulder. By the time a surgeon had broke scrub to try to pop my shoulder back in, the damage had been done, I finished the procedure with a smile on my pale face and the radiologist ready to cry for me. I have had 4 surgeries for my dislocated shoulder and 1 one coming up. But, I speak on Breast Cancer Awareness and teach Radiology at a college.
    So when you think you had a moment of pressure from that mammogram. Think of me.

    It is October, Breast Cancer Awareness month. Don’t forget your mammogram.

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